Baby, it's cold outside

I'm getting used to being disappointed.  I know everyone's wrapping up their semesters; I know it's cold outside; but some blind glimmer of hope in me still thought people would come out to wander the streets of Center City.

Eh.

At least Rena and I had a good time.

We left Lakeside (my apartment) and went "where the Spirit led."  Honestly, for the first few blocks, I just walked where there was a green light.  I figured that the Spirit wouldn't want us to get run over by cars.

As we got to Spruce and, I think, 15th, I started feeling a weird nudge.  So we made a turn onto 15th.  After a couple blocks, we encountered a Dido Riviere (spelling?).  He was wishing everyone who walked by, all suited and bundled up scurrying to their hotel-looking apartments, a happy holiday.  We asked him if he wanted a blanket.  "God is good!" he responded.

That was the only blanket we handed out.

We continued down 15th street.  Another strange impulse caught me: the lighted trees in front of the Comcast building.  "I want to walk through them," I said to Rena.  So we turned down JFK.  Lo and behold, Andre and Joe.  We exchanged hugs, holiday greetings, and urgings to get somewhere warm.  (It was cold!)

As we passed through the silver blue trees, we observed those inside the Comcast building.  There was some ridiculous visual display (y'all who've been by there know what I mean).  Everyone was just gawking.  (I gawked a bit myself.)

Rena said to me later, "It bothers me... that they're also so consumed by money, basically, that they don't know what's going on behind them."

Behind them were Andre and Joe.  And beneath them were our brothers, who don't have the privilege to ignore anything.

To close off, we walked to City Hall, where Penn's prayer for Philadelphia remains as forgotten as our friends:

William Penn's Prayer for Philadelphia, 1684

"And Thou Philadelphia the virgin settlement of this province named before thou wert born, what care, what service, what travail have there been to bring thee forth and preserve thee from such as would abuse and defile thee. O that thou mayest be kept from the evil that would overwhelm thee, that faithful to the God of thy mercies in the life of righteousness, thou mayest be preserved to the end. My soul prays to God for thee that thou mayest stand in the day of trial, that thye children may be blest of the Lord and thy people saved by His power." 

The nature of receiving through giving

Just to add on to what Elliott said, I was very encouraged to see a larger turnout of college folks and young adults than expected on Saturday, Dec. 11. At first, it was a bit awkward because there were too many people to help with handing out food and utensils and for about 5 min, they were idling. But then they started to move into the crowd and strike up conversations with the people who had received their food. I think there is great potential for God to bless these individuals if we continually give our time. As Elliott said, it really is God who is in control. I hope more GCC people continue to come out to experience God in action. I don't want to say we were there to help, because it feeds into my ego that I am performing a function whether it is handing out napkins or talking to the people from a higher platform. God doesn't need our increased participation to bless the homeless, and in the past 2 weeks that I've been coming out with Diakonos, it's the homeless who've been blessing me more than vice versa. That's actually quite liberating. Anyways, thanks for the inspiring reflection.

In Him,
Mike

inspiring story.

http://www.wimp.com/wecould/

A Letter to Diakonos about God's Provision

Hey all,

I just wanted to share how God provided today. I knew the original crew from the other church would be down 5 men. So you can imagine I was kind of let down and sad that no one showed up at 9:40a as scheduled for Sat morning's ministry. But God provided. A few guys walking back from Overflow ran into me and I asked them to join. Two of the three accepted my invitation. Afterward, two of the usual members joined. Although they came a little later, I was glad they came. Also, when I got there, I saw a few young adults that I would have never expected to show up. I realized then and there that when we seek to follow God's will, He provides.

Love,

Elliot

Hey Diakonos,
Wanted to share some ways I have been blessed and have experienced more of God recently through Diakonos and family group:

• Alvin: Alvin is the "picture guy" who has taken pictures for many couples / families / everybody in front of the Love sign. Recently, he's gotten into trucking school and is almost licensed to drive a truck for work. God has seen him and taken care of him through many trying times. I see God's constant strength and joy in Alvin.
  
• Ed: Ed is a mural painter. He's been in Philly for four months after being in DC for a while. God has gifted him w/ an ability to paint, which is his way of spreading the Gospel; his murals have images of Jesus, images of the cross, and themes like encouragement and hope. Part of him wants to just leave to another place when things get tough, but he wants to be faithful here. Please pray for him that he remains faithful and opportunities open up for him to paint. It's encouraging for me to keep going on what we know about God, expecting to see more clearly what He has for us. I see faith in Ed's life.
  
• Jimmy: This past Monday, Jimmy was sitting upstairs by the escalator. He said he was an Army Ranger once. He said he believes in God and was raised going to church but he isn't sure about Jesus now. I'm praying for him to come to the truth and live in the truth now. God loves him so much and will accept him back if only he lets God in. I see God's grace in Jimmy's situation, that God loves him so much.
  
• Family group: Yesterday, my family group read the passage of the circumstances of Jesus' birth. It really struck me how crazy that just as intentional as all parts of Jesus' life on earth where He fulfilled all the prophecies, God's will was for Jesus to be born to an ordinary person in Mary and to be placed in a manger. God chose that to show Jesus came to serve in humility. He's all our hope =)

homeless, but never hopeless

26 They sailed to the region of the Gerasenes, which is across the lake from Galilee. 27 When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs. 28 When he saw Jesus, he cried out and fell at his feet, shouting at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!” 29 For Jesus had commanded the impure spirit to come out of the man. Many times it had seized him, and though he was chained hand and foot and kept under guard, he had broken his chains and had been driven by the demon into solitary places.

30 Jesus asked him, “What is your name?”

“Legion,” he replied, because many demons had gone into him. 31 And they begged Jesus repeatedly not to order them to go into the Abyss.

32 A large herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside. The demons begged Jesus to let them go into the pigs, and he gave them permission. 33 When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned.

34 When those tending the pigs saw what had happened, they ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, 35 and the people went out to see what had happened. When they came to Jesus, they found the man from whom the demons had gone out, sitting at Jesus’ feet, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 36 Those who had seen it told the people how the demon-possessed man had been cured. 37 Then all the people of the region of the Gerasenes asked Jesus to leave them, because they were overcome with fear. So he got into the boat and left.

38 The man from whom the demons had gone out begged to go with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying, 39 “Return home and tell how much God has done for you.” So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.

Today, right before we went into prayer, we witnessed a drunk man stumbling away from the police. He was muttering indiscernible words and having trouble staying on two feet. To be honest, when I saw this gentleman, one word came into my head: hopeless. This was my prideful heart speaking. Unconsciously analyzing the situation in my head, I could see of no way how "such a man as this" could possibly restore his life.

However, it was at this point when God humbled me, like crazy. I thought back to the story of the demon-possessed man whom Jesus heals. In Jesus' eyes, this man, who had been rejected by society, who terrorized villagers in unleashed fury, was not "hopeless." Not in the very least. Jesus saw the problem through spiritual eyes. He didn't see what everyone else saw; He acknowledged the demon and cast it out of the man.

I'm not saying that the application of this story is to find every man like the one we saw by the SEPTA station and begin exorcising. But, I want Jesus to open my eyes to the real battles that are going on. I'm tired of seeing things through the lens of the world, the same lens that just relegates the homeless into the "hopeless" category. I'm tired of allowing my own reasoning lead to me conclusions that are not glorifying to God. I want to see in these people the same sin that poisons my own life and take comfort in the grace of God.

Public Finance

For lack of a better topic to talk about, I want to discuss something interesting I learned in my Public Finance class this semester. We were learning about poverty and there was a line in my textbook that basically went:

The general public is fairly willing to back support for the poor. This is because we have a tendency to think that if we were in their position, we would want the help and support as well.

As much as I hate to admit it, to an extent, I think like this as well. When I see someone in a position of need, a part of me thinks of what would happen if I switched places with them. I have a tendency to think about how hard it must be to be in their position and as a result, I feel pity for them. I think about how I would deal with being homeless, of having no family to turn to, of having no friends to support me in my dark times. I think about how hard it must be to be in their position but all I can do is feel pity for them.

So, I never thought about it before, but seriously, this is a pretty selfish thought. To pity people because when I put myself in their position, I am discouraged. That's not right. I should be serving people because it's an act of worship to God. To love my brothers and sisters because I truly love them as brothers and sisters. Not because I pity them, but because I truly love them.

I suppose we just need to remember:

"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." - 1 John 4: 19-21

Fix our eyes on God

Hi guys,

Today we got to speak to 5 people who were all believers of Christ. They were grateful for the smallest things they had and they were so amazingly joyful that the verse "the joy of the Lord is your strength" just rang in my head over and over again.

There seemed to be a recurring theme throughout the night in all our conversations - how God could use bad times to train us and discipline us. A brother, Warren, actually encouraged us and told us that if we fall down along the way, we just need to get back up on our feet and move on.

Muffin, one of the women we talked to, showed us how God used believers in her situation to bless others and take care of other people. She shared with us how she looked after this 17-year-old teenager who ran away from home and kept other people from hurting or taking advantage of her.

What was really humbling to me was the realization once again that if we focus on our own problems/sorrows, it is easy to let circumstances determine our emotions and actions. In doing so we lose sight of God and the other people who we can help.

Just a random side note, during summer I volunteered at a homeless organization in HK. I only went there once with my church and I casually told my parents about my experience there. My dad told me the next day that he wanted to help out some of those people so we found a lady though the organization and she has been working for my dad for a couple of months. Just 2 hours ago, my dad emailed me and he told me he wanted to employ another guy from the same organization and help them get back on track :) :) :) Yayayayay Praise the Lord!!!!!

Consider others better than yourself.

Hey guys so sorry I haven't been posting! I promise I have a heart that isn't neglecting it on purpose! I'm so glad this is revving up again. Good job Albert.

So I guess it was the clothing drive for us last week but I forgot the name of the guy but I remember this one tall guy who was selecting clothes and without us even having to tell him to pick a maximum of two items he himself put it out there that he will only select one or two because according to what I think he said, "I have feelings too." He had empathy and compassion for others like him who would come after him and who would need clothes too. And then I thought to myself whether I would do that in the same situation, and whether many others who work in the upper echelon of society would too. It reminded me once again how homeless people are in many ways "better" than people who aren't. It also reminded me that according to God's command, we ought to consider everyone else better than ourselves. This isn't to deny reality by saying that a Kindergartener is better than us at math or reading but rather that there is something to look up to and respect in anyone however bad or messed-up they may be in other aspects. I know this sounds like Confucianism but it's true nonetheless.

more than conquerors

This week at Diakonos, I had the chance to speak with a brother named Paul for a long time. He was sharing about how he's been addicted to drugs for the past twenty years and this has led him in and out of rehab centers, the streets, and his home during that time. One of the things that kept ringing in my head throughout the whole conversation was, "Albert, don't you dare have pity on him, we are all sinners in DESPERATE NEED of God's grace." I had the chance to share some of the things I am struggling with and in the end we lifted a prayer up to the only One who can heal our wretched hearts.

During the conversation, he told me how he doesn't want to be shackled to drugs any more. He knows the harm it does to his life but he can't stay away from the next high. When I heard him say that, I couldn't help but acknowledge the helplessness we so often have toward our sin. We know we shouldn't do it, but our bodies are so weak. This is true for Paul and all other Christians who want to purify our hearts for God.

Church, let's encourage one another to overcome sin through the grace of God. We are so weak and lacking in strength, but are more than conquerors with Him on our side.

encouraged

Hey guys,

Just wanted to blog about a couple of Mondays ago and how God used the three people I talked to that day to encourage me:

The first guy I met was Michael. He's 57 and been homeless for four years. He's gonna start getting checks in March that should help him get a place to stay. He told me how he's having a good attitude and hanging in there. Not just because looking forward to better days in March, but because each day God is w/ him. He was very thankful for the food and for us and his good attitude was contagious.

I talked to Grady next for a short time. He grabbed a bag and was heading somewhere but he said several times, "Thank you for coming out here and doing the will of God." Even last week when I talked to him again, he kept urging us to be in the Word and digesting it and to keep coming out to do God's will.

Finally, I talked to Fonzie for a while at the end. He has a place to stay in Philly. Most of our conversation was about him saying that we are doing a very good thing. He kept saying, "It makes a big difference. God uses young people powerfully" and, "It's all about the heart. Make sure you fight for your heart to serve. Don't give up." He also talked about how he once let a bunch of people who didn't have a place to stay sleep over at his small home. It was frustrating, but giving is a lot better than receiving.

I don't remember another time where all the people I talked to were so directly encouraging me with what they said. God was ministering to me through those three people I talked to. It was great and reassuring knowing that God uses His children to bless one another. God has made His redeemed so spiritually rich and uses us, through His grace, to spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Looking forward to tomorrow =)

A way to love.

Sometimes I need to take these moments, half days, full days to just sit and fully be entrenched in G-d and then who G-d calls me out to be. And then it causes me to question whether I am on the track, on the path that G-d has called me too. I recently got involved in Diakonos because it seemed like a good idea, and it seemed like it was on that path G-d has called me too.

But I wasn't sure why I got involved. I just knew I should.

In the Bible several times we see this question of success being posed to Jesus. Mostly by his disciples, i.e., Sons of Zebedee. How do they wind up at the right and left hand of Christ himself? Matt. 20: 21-23
It seems that the message Christ had shared earlier in the passage had been quickly forgotten because in verse 16, Jesus very clearly states what it takes to be first in the Kingdom of Heaven is the road less traveled here on Earth... it's taking last place at everything.

The core of discipleship as I understand Jesus to have taught it- is humility. Not just humility because that's what Jesus said, so we should DO it, but a humility that characterize us.
We see the people we serve as being those who are just like ourselves, maybe better than us. The point of service is not because it's the popular thing to do, because its the right thing to do, because it seems like a good Christian practice... but because we truly see all people the same way G-d sees all of us. And when our vision is transformed this way - we realize, that if we could see one person as we see ourselves, we can start to see everyone that way. Sister Lisa, Brother William, Brother Bruce, etc. they're just like our friends, maybe a little older, but just like them. And the way we serve them is the same way we can serve our friends, serve our parents, our church. It's not just an act but a lifestyle. Our entire life becomes a life of service. It's the attitude of humility that creates a heart of service, a heart of love, devoted to everyone, and that's what can make us a little bit more like Jesus.

Now I get why I was inclined to get involved with Diakonos... my life is in need of a little transformation. This ministry in and of itself can't do that, but it gives me an opportunity to start changing the way I see my world, the way I see people and the way I love.

First Outing with Diakonos

My first outing with Diakonos…hmm…I was really scared and worried about what to say. Luckily, Grady, Margie and James did most of the talking on Monday night. And I just listened. James amazed me the most. Despite his circumstances, he just kept smiling his most imperfect, several-teeth-missing smile, and I could see that he is a child of God. I could also see the sadness in his eyes, behind his smile, and I kind of can’t wait for Monday to come, so I can go talk to him again. He seems to want to tell his story to somebody.

To be honest, I think I joined Diakonos out of selfish reasons. I’ve been on a spiritual plateau, and I can’t really seem to feel anything these days. It just happened that while I was zoning in and out during the message on Sunday (hehe…), I looked down at my bulletin to where it listed the various ministries. I am very curious to see how God is using this dazed soul. Wah!

Muffin

"Muffin?"

My two partners probably thought I was crazy.  I mean, they'd followed me around the underground, going this way and that without questioning where their "huang-di" was leading them.  (Sorry, outsiders, I had to throw in the inside joke... huang-di = emperor and has somehow become my nickname amidst this motley crew.)

And now the girl's yelling out "Muffin!" as she leads them toward a tall, thin black woman.  She's lost her mind (more room for the heart to grow?).

I met Muffin earlier this year, back in January or February, when I was still volunteering at Project H.O.M.E.'s Women's Winter Respite Shelter.  She was vibrant, loud, stubborn, had seen more movies than a theater custodian, but had a soft side too.  She hugged me right away-- though I doubt she really remembered me, she said that something about me seemed familiar, and I guess she had to hug that.

Our interaction was brief.  We gave her a bag and water, she updated me on her housing/job status, and then we parted.  It was long enough, though, to scratch away some of the residue from this past winter.

See, when I got back from Spain last December, I was in bad shape.  I could run fine and all, but my heart-- my spirit-- had been suffocated.  And it killed to see everyone else at church so happy and integrated and myself the outsider all over again.  I was depressed, legit depressed, for a good couple months.  I began volunteering during that time at Project H.O.M.E., thinking maybe a fresh environment doing something I love could alleviate some of my feeling of alienation.  It didn't.  I felt worse.  I came back from the shelter even more depressed than when I left for it.  I felt useless there; the women didn't remember me from week to week; only the workers took notice of me.  And that one woman Muffin-- so one time she just completely spazzed out, cursed up a storm, because she'd either misplaced or been robbed of her bag.  She broke down violently, completely, pathetically-- and that night I did too.  I couldn't take it anymore.  So I quit volunteering there.

Seeing Muffin again at the park brought me back to the winter, the darkness, all the pain-- real or imagined-- that I'd tried to forget about.  It was almost as if God was saying, "Even in your darkest times, even in your uselessness, I am still Light, and I can still use you."

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you. 

--Psalm 139:11-12

enemy

This is a song that's been in my heart since last night. This is in response to what happened while on our way to love park.

Enemy
© Justin McRoberts 2002 Five Foot Six and a Half Music (ASCAP)


It’s amazing just how much i look like the enemy
his hatred looks so much like the hate inside of me

i’ve fallen like so many fools my age
throwing stones at all who cross me
i won’t become a victim of my rage
Lord, give me love for the enemy

It’s expected that if you swing you’ll find me swinging back
the exception is in the greatness i so clearly lack

i will learn to see you where you said you’d be
in the least of these; in my enemies

birds eye view

To be honest, it felt awkward recording our outing two nights ago, because our ministry isn't about capturing the glitz and glamor of helping out the "needy." We're about connecting with our community and sharing in the grace of God with our brothers and sisters. However, standing behind the camera, you begin to see things through a different lens. You see things as others in the park - who aren't part of Diakonos or the homeless community - see things. You see a group of individuals who have an indescribable spark about them, a genuine compassion to love their community. It was a blessing to see everyone from a birds eye view and, in some ways, the view from which God must see things.

Quick Update:

Just received a phone call tonight from an old friend from Love Park. I don't know how many of you know Yeehaa, aka Vernon, from Bermuda but he gave me a ring and had wanted to see if we were out tonight, just so he could stop by and say hi before catching the train home. We chatted a bit and he told me that he's probably going back home, as in Bermuda home, at the end of the year. Right now he's living with a woman named China who has some mental instabilities. They're wonderful to each other in terms of support and encouragement. I asked if he was going to take her with him back home, and he says that although he wants to, he's not sure if it'll be a possibility. He's asking for much prayer and wanted to remind everyone here that we're always on his mind.

09.20.10/09.27.10: Watusi

Sorry everyone for this hyper delayed post.

There's a dance called Watusi it's out of sight / First you slide to the left, then to the right / Two steps forward; keep the rhythm tight / There's a dance called Watusi, and it's a sight.


"You got it?  You got??  Come on, Krystal...let's try it...you're our leader!!"  My brothers urged me.

I'll be honest.  I was really tired, from not having been able to sleep, and with the excitement and anxiousness of the beginning of the semester, a thousand things were on my mind.  I love singing, but I did not feel like singing that evening.  My brothers at the park kept urging me to join them.  I wasn't confident.  Although their smiles and the emotions conveyed and displayed on their faces when they sang showed me nothing but pure joy, I was taken back to my early days of voice lessons when I was too shy to sing with all that my being held.

Leonard and the other guys were as encouraging as anyone could have ever been.  Teaching me the notes, modeling and singing for me where so I would know where my voice would place, and constantly being positive, I could not have asked for anything more.

When we were all done, I talked with Leonard and Ben for a little while more while Dupree went back to the bench to talk with one of the other brothers at the park.  I told them that I hadn't sung a capella in so long, and during my simple conversation with Leonard about singing earlier, I had not anticipated having to sing with them, and really did not know that they would even want me to sing with them.  It wasn't until Leonard quickly hobbled with his walking stick over to Ben when I realized he was serious.  Seeing Ben's face completely light up when he heard I sang was even more confirmation.  They called Dupree to join in later, and by then, there was no doubt in my mind that these brothers really meant business: they loved singing, they sing together, and they wanted me to sing with them.

I wish words could describe just how great they were.  Their harmonies were tight and their energy simply exuded with every syllable they sang.  Looking them in the eyes while they sang, I saw all the hurt, despair, discomfort, loneliness, and brokenness etched in their faces slowly disappearing.  Their eyes glistened and shone with a light that I had never seen in a long time.  All baggage had been put aside, all for the sake of creating good music, and all for the sake of love.  I realized, I needed to do that, too.  Christ's love was simply poured out, and the roles were reversed: there I stood, empty-handed, intent on showing them Christ's love, and there they were pouring it out onto me.

I saw Dupree the following week in the underground area, and he was nothing but joyful.  His face lit up when he saw me approach him and the first thing he said was, "Hey, Krystal!!! You ready??  You got your part down??!  Let's give it a shot!!  Let's go!!!"  There was that smile, that unmistakable smile.  He kept reminding me that before they met me, they would always sing together, but none of the other guys that they had met had the range or capability to sing the highest part, until they met me.  I wanted to say to him that until I met him and the other guys, I had never felt the Holy Spirit moving so strongly in the midst of music making.  Instead, I just smiled and asked if he were serious about us singing right at that moment.  He was only half-kidding; he added that he didn't want to show disrespect for the guy who was playing the guitar, but his joy and his love was so strong, I could not help but be joyful and praise God for such a great brother.

These events, though not entirely extensive, will be memories that I will store away forever.  The unmistakable presence of the Holy Spirit being in the center of our tight circle at the park, and the unmistakable presence of the Holy Spirit conversing with Dupree and I, and even as we prayed was so surreal, yet so real.  God was there.  He's working in their lives...I could see it and I could feel it.  Music making, as powerful as it is, is nothing without the sovereignty of the Holy One.  Use me, Lord, to be a light in the darkest night.  I have seen this in action, and seek even more to live this out.

9.27

"We're going in. On Thursday most likely, or maybe Friday. Larry and I got a place."

It's part of this way of life, this isn't their home, they're nomads. I knew these things all too well but I couldn't help but feel a little surprised. After seeing and speaking to Tasha for the last couple of weeks, I had created this expectancy of meeting up with her again. After arriving at Love Park, I had scanned the faces to find familiarity. But familiarity doesn't dwell there, it shouldn't. I forget that seeing my friends week after week means little to no progress, no opportunity, no home, no comfort.

A few weeks ago, as we were wrapping up Diakonos for the night, a woman broke into our circle and asked us for prayer. She grabbed her husband's arm and yanked him into the circle looking and waiting for our reply. We readily said yes and asked for what she wanted prayer.

"Oh, where to start! Everything, a home, a job, an opportunity."

That's when I met Tasha and Larry. They're wonderful to talk to and filled with stories from their past. She was a paralegal for eight years with a firm in Philadelphia. Three years ago, she was forced to resign because of a bipolar disorder.

"I fell apart when they came to get my car and my house."

She was smiling when I spoke to her though, anticipating the end of the week. Here is a place where goodbye often means better news than hello.

Thoughts on my first time

Hey guys,

I just wanted to thank you guys for allowing Dreamcatchers to help out with Diakonos around 2 months ago. It was a great experience for me personally and I think it was really good to get outside the Penn bubble I usually find myself wrapped in. It was nice to do some of God's work outside the context of school and I really enjoyed the time we spent at Love Park

I remember the only person that I spoke at length with was a guy named Joe Clemons. Kathryn and I had the privilege of talking to him and I thought we had a great conversation. He didn't look like a smart guy but he knew a lot of stuff from his time as a TV repairman. He also showed us a couple of drawings for some of the inventions that he had in mind and then he drew a portrait of both Kathryn and I. Goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover. I was glad that I had the chance to get to know him as well as the chance to pray for him. It was hard for me to pray for him because I don't pretend to know what its like to be homeless but I hope my prayers gave him a bit of hope.

Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed and it was time to go. However, looking back on my experience, I realized that I didn't get to talk to all the people that I gave sandwiches to; as they all swarmed me within the first 5-10 minutes of our arrival. I didn't have much of an opportunity to share anything related to Christ, as they would leave as soon as they received their brown bags. I was thinking that maybe a gospel track could be included in the paper bags, or at least contact info so that they know how to get to GCC? It would be a pity if they didn't know we were doing this because of God's love for them. Maybe you guys already thought of this but I just wanted to bring up the idea in case you guys haven't.

Thanks again and I'll see all you guys this upcoming school year!

Jabez

on repeat

"Talking never got nobody nowhere."  He kept repeating that, every time we reached a difficult point in the conversation.  "You bring out your sandwiches, your warm bottles of water... but you can't get us out of here.  No one can.  Nothing can."

"I don't think it can happen overnight..."

"I've had people come out here and pray for me for three years... ain't fixed anything.  I'm still in the same situation."

"Change takes time..."

"Three years is long enough."

Déjà vu. I've had this same conversation with this same man before.  We may be sitting in the cool air of the fountain of Philadelphia's name-sake park tonight, but he's lower than he was when I first met him in the underground concourse-- a kind of oxymoronic homeless village.  Not only is he homeless, he is hopeless.  He's beyond feeling desperate; he's clinging to nothing but despair.

"I may have never been homeless, but I've been through my own 'situations' and difficulties... they're different, I know, but the struggle is the same..."

"You'd have to be homeless to know what it's like."

"I realize that, but what I'm saying is maybe it's not the situation, maybe it's something deeper than that, beyond the physical.  Maybe it is a spiritual thing.  Maybe the situation is with you, not with 'this.'"

Hit and sink.  Here was this fifty-year-old black man, happily enjoying the night air and a little food.  He didn't mind sitting alone, picking through his thoughts.  But then comes this Christian, this ideal-driven college brat, thinking she can pray for him and love him and and tell him that his life is in shambles because he can't bear to look at his own soul.  Who does she think she is to downsize his three years of agony into some sort of spiritual shenanigan?

He threw his backpack over a shoulder and poured out his water into one of those pathetic cement pots clogging up the middle of the park.  He said something, similar to same sad lines he'd had on repeat before.  I replied and said his name, thinking that'd make my own refrain stick harder, "K--, I hope you get out of this.  I hope to see you happy some day."

God, I really do.  If I can't accomplish anything, let me at least hope.  May he learn to hope too.

thank you guys

your posts have been a blessing to read. keep shining the light in philly!

-albert (from korea)

A First

A bit overwhelming for a first time, but it was a changing experience.

Regrets, grudges, frustration, hopelessness. "God can't love me." "I've made too many mistakes." "I'm going to hell." They have little to nothing. Their hearts are heavy, carrying a lifetime of burden and debts that they refuse to forgive. There is bitterness and stubbornness. They hate their families. They hate the wars they've served. But they also care very much. There is kindness, and whether they truly believe or not, there is openness to faith. Their eyes, tired; their faces lined by the creases of years; and their voices, soft and barely audible. (I strained my ears trying to pick up on key words and shifted to reading their lips in order to confirm my guesses, as I simultaneously badgered myself for using earphones too much.) The men we spoke with, they were in their fifties, sixties, I think. They don't have much to say, but they had so much to give..simply by exemplifying the human condition and sharing words of wisdom accumulated over the years. One man, in his state of destitute, had the kind heart to tell us that "education is everything"...to stay in school...to learn as much as one can. As the man tapped his forehead, he reminded us that knowledge was everything. Some of us might disagree and answer that education is not everything. Rather, God is. That our spiritual life weighs more than all that knowledge could provide. But his words had a special place in my heart. His words were powerful. He echoed the exact phrases my parents repeated to me in each stage of growing up: "Without knowledge, you are nothing." It is the words a parent tells a child. And I could not not be moved by such reminders, from a complete stranger, what's more, a man whom I perhaps would have been afraid to look at not long ago. He reminded me of all that I've taken for granted. In a way that I cannot fully explain, he made me appreciate the long nights I will spend working, using my brain, keeping my mind sharp. I hope that I shall never hear myself complain about the work that I have to do, because of what this man has said. I have nothing to offer him, except a sandwich and a bottle of water. But I pray that God will hear his prayers. That is perhaps is all that I can do.

**********

"I'll be all right. I'll be all right." He kept saying. He does not believe God will forgive him for what he has done or will do. He does not believe that God can possibly ever love him. He does not believe that Jesus died for his sins, my sins. And he cannot comprehend that we've all offended God as much as he has. But he sees better days. "I'll be all right, " he says again. In a way, I feel like he was reminding himself of the hope he has, but he also reminded me of the hope that each of us has. His name was David. I don't know his background; I don't know his life story, but his name comes from the Bible...from one of the greatest stories of God's triumph. He says that there is no changing his hardened heart, no changing his mind, no turning back from the path he's chosen. It's hard to convince him that God is greater than any of his thoughts and actions. It's difficult to be persuasive when, as the old Asian saying goes, "the salt he's eaten is more than the bread I've eaten." And in the end, I was helpless. Impotent. Weak and incapable. I could do nothing to change this man's mind, not in a mere hour, no. And the only thing, I realized, that I could do was to pray. And few times have I really prayed for something. Few times have I realized the magnitude of what was needed. I wanted change for this man so much. I did not have anything to give. I could not offer any practical suggestions. I was very much at a loss for words. I could do nothing for him, but to listen. I realized too that listening I could not even do well, since I could not hear him parts of the time. There is so much to pray for. There is everything to pray for. If we prayed for everything in the world that needs praying, there'll be no end to prayer. David said it'll take more than a miracle to change him. Having been saved by God, I no longer doubt God's greatness. I do not doubt God's ability. I believe in miracles. But I do pray that God is willing...that it is indeed in His plan to save him. Everything in God's time, right? I pray that until the day God meets him just where he is, David will continue to hold onto the hope he has. I hope he gets his miracle. I really, really do.

There is everything to be thankful for. There is everything to pray for. If we really understood the urgency of the matter, we'd realize that there is so much, so much to be done. And that even giving all of ourselves may not be enough, so how can we give any less?


- rena

Why Diakanos Exists

Hey Diakanos,

I know it's not my turn to post because I already posted just a week or two ago but I just wanted to share this one experience Renna and I had just tonight. I think it'll remind us once again why Diakanos exists.

Well, before we left for Center City, (as you guys can recall) we first prayed for the night. When Katherine led us to pray for anyone in particular that we might meet again at the park, I recalled David whom I met only once before. David is actually not homeless but he always hangs around at Love Park. While I just found out tonight that it's because he extremely hates the people in his house, what concerned me most was that he was in active rebellion against God. During that one time I met him, he told me that there was no changing him, that regardless of whether God existed and loved David, there was nothing that David wanted to or could do but to continue living until death, and move on into eternity in Hell. So I prayed for David's soul that he might be saved from otherwise certain Hell that he himself seemed to know about all too well.

In that moment of prayer, I first admitted to how I really do not have an ounce of control over saving his fate, his soul, and bringing about miraculous salvation; as a college student I have no social work training for any practical counseling as well. I simply prayed that in my powerless nature God would manifest Himself and do something Himself, because He was and is the only one who can. I think that attitude and prayer were the critical steps to God's using me as a vessel to open up more of David's heart tonight.

I didn't see David when I got there and ended up talking with Crystal to Franklin, a recent homeless. A little while in, though, I was surprised to see Katherine call me over and tell me that David wanted to see me. I walked across the park to find him talking with Renna while he stood waiting for me. I was at first very surprised to hear him ask if I was "alright." I only met him once before, and that encounter wasn't very effective in terms of ministry on my part. But he had a look of genuine interest and friendship in his eyes. Next, he talked about his problems that deserve a whole different blog post in of itself but after that he told me how he feels his heart slowly changing every time he sees me, us, Diakanos, ministering to him at the park. I praised God for answering a part of my prayer just earlier when I heard that inch closer to God but in addition to that, it was that moment that really hit the spot for me. I realized once again just why we Diakanos exists.

Although we can't necessarily take them out of homelessness, and although our bagged lunches are more of snacks to their daily diet of other free food and soup kitchen food, we bring something greater to them. We bring them the saving and life-changing Love of Jesus Christ that no amount of money and therapy can bring about. I was experientially and all too vividly reminded of that fact when once again I saw plain evidence of God's Love slowly but steadily and gradually changing hearts, and in particular, David's rebellious heart. Moreover, I saw that all the more personally when David told me how ministers like Diakanos, including me, kept him going. I thanked God for using me then to minister to David, through me.

Although not all homeless people will be thankful or changed by Diakanos' works through God's power, it is a fact that some have, are, and will continue to be brought from death into life. This is why we exist, to be not only children communing and growing in personal relationship with God, but also to use our growth primarily for the purpose of being the Jesus for this World, that Jesus Christ Himself was for it as well. This is why we exist, to exist not only for personal growth and betterment of just ourselves and our cliques at Church, but also for the salvation of this World that matters just as much, if not more, to God as does one part of His body.

I just want to encourage you all that God is using us to save lives, and that such miracles are happening despite our weaknesses. And I just want to praise you all by saying that such miracles are happening through our weaknesses because we have opened up our hearts as living sacrifices for God.

But as sinners, we still hold onto idols and there is still a lot of baggage, blockage, and walls that prevent God from doing more through us. Let us pray for our own hearts that we would be willing to sacrifice our desire for physical comfort, security, and other aspirations for what rots and inevitably disappears, that we would be in complete surrender and union with God's Will. Only then can we cease to question whether God is really working sometimes. Only then can we be in a spiritual position to finally begin to constantly experience (without previously necessary revivals) the unfailing ceaseless works and the Glory of God in this World.

Your Brother,

Elliot

God

Hey all, this is Elliot. I'm sure most of you current servants know who I am as I served in Diakanos last year but I'm back again for this summer and beyond God willing. Then again, it's not who I am that's important but who we are in Christ.

Let us remember that we are, as GCC often says "tools", but at the same time we are a ton of other things for God as well. The Bible calls us something along the line of tools but also vessels, temples, slaves, sheep, dust, etc etc. Let that humble us and let that perspective never depart from the way we look at one another and ourselves because we are finite humans and sinners. And yet, let us not consider ourselves too useless as with an omnipotent God as our God we have infinite potential to be tools and vessels to impact significant improvements and additions for the Kingdom of God that is in creation and is to be made complete when the time is right.

For the past week, I think God gave me a conviction to become more convicted that all things are possible through Him when it's for Him. Sometimes we lack the faith and more critically the heart to believe that God can really do anything significant in these peoples lives.

I know that when I'm trying to share the love and gospel of Christ to atheist homeless people it's hard to continue when they so coldly and outrightly reject the love, let alone existence, of God. But it's wrong to be discouraged completely by that because we know that although we are powerless to move hearts, God is powerful to cause miracles. I even saw this miracle in my closest childhood friend completely addicted to drugs and alcohol and more critically completely agnostic and rebellious. When I saw him turn 180 degrees to become one of the most passionate and powerful missionaries I know I realized that God's miracles do happen even today.

Knowing that our God is capable of preforming those miracles, I think we have reason to believe that those we minister to can be completely changed in such a way as well. And in faith in what the Word teaches us, our powerful God is Willing to do just that and more through us if only we earnestly ask Him to do that through the vessels of Christ that we are.

But in order to be effective tools for God, I think we need to open our hearts to that. If we partially close our hearts, doubt enters, faith diminishes, and what's worse is that we partially don't allow God to use us to work those incredible miracles. If only we completely open up our hearts to God will our hearts be clear, transparent, open, and wide channels for God to pour out more of his power and miracles all the more. Let us open up our hearts, and if we can't, pray that we can.

To go along with that, I think what's all the more important to make that happen is simply our personal relationship with Christ. If we are lukewarm Christians, we will only have lukewarm fruits that aren't really efficacious in creating serious impact in those around us. Thus we need to be not lukewarm but zealous Christians. More accurately, we need to be children of God who constantly seek, adopt, and depend on His grace, mercy, love, and power daily. We need to be believers whose every motive and desire revolve around what He wants and values. Some people say that's impossible or takes a lifetime to get to that state of belief. But I want to tell you right now that that happened to those around me and it can happen to us because God is a loving God of miracles who wants to make the most of our lives to create the greatest impact for His Kingdom as much as possible. God does not want us to waste our time simply trying. He wants us to be like His Son right now to work for His Kingdom right now. If only we are completely open and willing to risk all of ourselves for His miraculous power to change our lives...to become all the more wholehearted and joyful servants for His Kingdom.

This is all to say that although our purpose as Diakanos servants is to spread the love of God and evangelize to them through our good works, the strength that will make us most effective and true to God will be our personal relationships with God and the relationship we have with God as a body of Christ. So let us not diminish the importance of our own spirituality and connection with Christ while trying to make disciples of all nations.

I think a practical way to apply this would be to hold longer prayer time before we go out to Diakanos. If we start on time on the dot at 6, and if we finish making the food shortly after, then we'll have more time to pray before we go out. Today we had a lot of time left over. If we use that time to pray instead before we go out, I think we would have better hearts to better serve through.

Some of the things we ought to pray for is simply to be more open to God's potential and to do that to pray that we lose the fear of losing idols that we still hold dear to our hearts that define our identities and give us security. Let's pray that we can sacrifice our bodies and our idols, that we can be willing to give them up everyday any day in order to become more Christlike and thereby more powerful agents, passionate and more joyful servants of God who can perform wonders for His Kingdom.

I don't want to make this about putting on a grand show. What I do want to make this about is the fact that there are too many lost people out there that needs to be taken into the arms of God, and that there aren't enough of us to do them, and that we can do so much more, saving so many more people out of His affection, if only we become more Christlike servants who are willing to deny themselves completely, pick up the Cross, and be willing to follow God wherever that may be despite our current treasures and circumstances.

I will pray about this more everyday and I hope that you guys can join me in this desperation.

Love, your brother under Christ,

Elliot

The Best In Me

Well, this is pretty neat. I mean blogging. Anyways, this blog will actually be somewhat similar to what I posted in facebook earlier this week. However, I really want to say that I had a very blessed time going out on Monday. Brother Elliot and I were talking to a woman in the park and she talk about wanting to go to college I immediately said that she should do it if that is what she wants to do. It's not too late to do it. But I also loved the fact that she was willing to share so much of her story with us. Tidbits of her family life, her wanting to go to college. In that instant, I thought "Wow!" She not that much different from us college kids. I sometimes wonder if we bother to even think that our brothers and sisters out in love park could really have dreams and aspirations to want better. Well, I know the answer to that question is Yes!! However, I think that we stay in our Christian bubbles so long that we fear stepping outside of those boundaries and really pouring out our love to others.

That is a struggle that I do face almost daily. To step outside boundaries in order to make a difference in the lives of others. This is something that I pray about because I know that my growth is being stagnated by my fears. I pray that I will be more like Jesus and to love the people that society and even, dare I say, the Christian Church has told me not to love. God is love and he sees the best in all of us. Think about it, why would God send his only son into this earth to die for our sins if he did not love us. And let's not forget, even those who persecuted Jesus were the same people that Jesus died for. So here's hoping that those in love park as well as those who are in poverty around the country and in the world will receive the message of God's love for us.

P.S. I still have doubts and jitters about going to diakonos every Monday but I really think that I am getting better at it with God's help.

McRefugee

hey diakonos! it's been a while!

i wanted to share a quick story from china (hong kong, to be specific). one night while we were in hong kong, sol and i got locked out of the place we were staying, and as a result, we had to find a place to spend the night. as a result, we found refuge at a mcdonald's in the center of the city. it was a humbling experience, sitting at a table alongside others who were "homeless," nervous that the employees would kick us out at any moment.

with that said, i learned a valuable lesson about what we own. the truth is that everything can be taken away from us, from our money to our shelter (in my case, temporarily). i can attest that during those times, we are forced to recognize what we rely on, whether it's our Heavenly Father or worldly possessions.

i thank God that he will never leave me or forsake me, He has prepared a room for me in His Kingdom.

planted seeds... now trees...

(From a former Diakonos member):

dear diakonos,

very strange to say this but most of you probably don’t kno me.
crazy but its already been two years since I graduated penn, so its been 2 years since ive served with diakonos :(
(for those of u that dont kno me, i tend to write long emails so feel free to skim through :p)


well. i just wanted to share but also encourage and thank you all for doing what you do.

a couple weeks ago I was waiting for my coworker to catch a train. he was running late coming so I was waiting for him with both our tickets in hand with about 20 min till departure. I saw a guy standing by a café asking ppl for change so I asked him if I could buy him a sandwich instead. while I was waiting for him to pick his meal my coworker rushed into the station. I handed him his tickets and quickly explained I was just waiting to pay for his meal.

he wanted to get to our gate asap. (and don’t get me wrong, he’s a really really great guy. I love working for him). he asked how much the food was and pulled out his wallet. he only had 20s and asked if I had change. I told him I had cash, handed the man $7.... It didn’t feel right.

walking away he asked how I got talked into that situation and I told him that I had offered.

once we got on the train he began telling me about how the meeting went but for the next couple hours all I could think about was that man – was he offended in anyway; did the $7 include a drink. I wasn’t as concerned about his physical hunger as I was of his heart. did I help him realize he was a lovable son of god, or did the way we rushed away from him hurt his heart even more, or was his heart already too hardened to feel anything.

I silently lifted up a prayer for him, and as I was praying for him I was filled with thankfulness, thankful that I was still aware of the father’s heart. that my values and priorities were different from this world. that my hearts main concern was on his lost children…

i miss diakonos a lot. i miss being able to freely love and share the gospel. its really a privilege.


for those of u graduating, especially if you will be working, I want to remind you to fight for your heart to be pure and holy.
fight for all your passions to be rooted in god. fight to love what he loves and hate what he hates. it may start with one homeless person you walk by without even realizing, it may be cutting back your prayer times just 5 minutes, but don’t be let yourselves deceived in the small things.

that’s one of the reasons I still stay on this listserve. walking from my office in dc, running to/from the airport, i see ur emails. although its meaningless to me when/where you'll be meeting next it reminds where I should be and who I really am. do what u need to do, but don’t take it lightly, don’t go unprepared. God has amazing plans for you so its only natural for the enemy to attack you.


well. im almost done... just one passage and i'll be done. i promise.

psalm 56:10-13

In God whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise
in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you.

For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God in the light of life

indulge in that life he's given us. to the fullest.
bless you allll looots. miiiisss you!!


hugs.

juhee

we are ONE in our mission

I just wanted to share some thoughts I had about Diakonos and its role in GCC's unity. After Grad Night last night, I had an awesome time of fellowship with everyone. It seemed that I was able to strike up conversations with almost everyone there. I definitely have Diakonos to thank in part for that, for this group has given me the opportunity to draw closer to those at the Temple site.

I don't say this enough, but thank you so much for being a part of this family. Looking back on the Tuesday nights at Kathryn's house, in the underground, and at Love Park, I've grown to love you guys so much more than I expected to, given the brevity of my time with you all. From "maximizing efficiency" with the plastic wrap to taking a poll about whether watermelon is a DESSERT or FRUIT, the inside jokes always bring a smile to my face. You all have a special place in my heart, and I have learned what a selfless heart truly looks like by observing you all every week.

Our ministry is special; it requires patience, love, and a faith that God can use unworthy vessels to do big things (albeit slowly and steadily. I pray that God will continually break our hearts, and that as we engage in our mission together, we will encourage one another to run this race with vigor.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

Surely, I am Always With You

This is the passage that first comes up to my mind when I think about evangelism:

-Matthew 28:19~20-

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

To be honest, when I think about Diakonos/evangelism I don't feel qualified enough to be doing God's work. According to the passage above, God has commanded me to "teach them to obey everything that I commanded you"; but, how can I teach someone to obey God's will, when I refuse to follow Him. How can I teach people about Bible, when I don't even understand it fully? All these negative thoughts about myself overwhelm me every Monday.

After three months of Diakonos, I still don't feel confident about myself. However, I am proud of being involved in God's work. Every week, I witness something great about God's Kingdom. One week, one brother showed his tears after we prayed for him. Another week, one sister randomly comes up to us and asks for a prayer. Another week, after we prayed for one brother, he decides to pray FOR US. Couple times, passing-by Christians join us with prayer. Every week, people are willing to share their struggles with total stangers like me.

Every Monday, I feel God's presence hovering over city of Philadelphia. Although some proclaim that they will never believe in God, although some say that our works are not making any differnece here, although some judge us as hypocrites, although some rebuke us for our actions, I still feel God. God has graciously given me a privilege of witnessing his presence in this city.

Yes, I still struggle. I do not know how to start a meaningful conversation with people; I do not know how to bring Gospel into a "Hi, How-are-you-doing?" conversation; I do not know how to effectively pray for people; I do not know what exact Bible passages to speak of. However, before Diakohos, I always pray God that He would just use me; He would speak through my tongue so that words are not mine, but HIS; He would reach out through my heart so that all my works are not done by my compassion, but for HIS passion.

After all, God has promised "surely, I am always with you, to the very end of the age." As long as I believe in this word, I won't stop trying to share Gospel.

What we give

I've always wondered how I could help other people. As some of you know, I have a different kind of background. Rather then immigrating to America for opportunity, I was actually born here, lived in Maryland for 9 years, then moved to the Philippines for (what ended up to be) the next nine years. So, let me tell you a little bit about my experience. Coming from an upper-middle background, moving to a third-world country was definitely the biggest shocker in my life.

While there are different 'cities' in the Philippines, Manila (the capital) is surrounded by a number of cities and there is no real distinction (besides map-drawn boundaries) separating the different cities. As you might imagine, the city that I lived in was incredibly populous. And as is ever-present in every city, there was poverty. However, unlike in developed countries, the poverty in the Philippines is more massively widespread. It's so bad, that the gap between rich and poor is very large. When we first moved, seeing the poverty all around me (I lived in a very poverty stricken neighborhood for the first 6 years) really moved me and I wanted to help them. But eventually, I guess I hardened my heart and the want to help subsided.

When I first joined Diakonos, I realized that the bagged food that we offered was honestly nothing special. In fact, the people we were meeting often looked fairly well-fed and in comparison to what some other service groups bring, it's not that great. So after my first (and second) Monday, I was kind of confused. I didn't know if I was actually making a difference.

What really inspired me was when I went on a few more trips. It was when I saw some of the other members and how they interacted with the people they came across. It was by watching these other people that I realized that we weren't doing this to provide food and supply their basic needs. No, what we were really giving to them was someone to listen and to spend time with them and hopefully, reflect God's love for them.

Sandwiches and their shortcomings

In all their suffering he also suffered,
     and he personally rescued them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them.
     He lifted them up and carried them
     through all the years.  --Isaiah 63:9

Some Mondays it's hard to find the poetry.  People start trickling into my house around 7:30pm; we linger and chat and laugh; make sandwiches, bag sandwiches, bag the bags of sandwiches; pray in the musty basement; flock towards the subway, flock towards the concourse, flock towards the park.  Everything fits snugly into this little schedule.

I used to have a heart for this ministry.  I went because I couldn't not go.  I couldn't argue anything else to be more important.

The other day, I was talking to a brother who's very passionate about social justice in this city.  He went on and on about how this was wrong and that was wrong and that if he could he'd do this or stop that... He called me back to myself, two years ago, to the idealist freshman who sincerely thought the consistency of sandwiches could save people.

I haven't completely abandoned this idealism, but now my heart has been joined by my head.  Sandwiches do not save people.  Routines do not save people.  Not even programs or funds or governments or people save people.  Because we have all that, in all its bureaucratic abundance, but the homeless still live underground and the hopeless still look for something to believe in.

If Diakonos has shown me anything, it's that we're all suffering.  Yours isn't worse than mine; it all sucks.  Race, age, gender, height, occupation-- doesn't matter.  We're all stuck.

And if this ministry affirms anything, it's that there's only one way out: Love.  Not mine.  Not yours.  Not theirs.  But His.

the right perspective

Every Monday afternoon, I feel like it's a struggle to get excited for Diakonos. Classes in the morning and worrying about upcoming homework deadlines and things to do often bog me down and get me thinking, "Okay, I'll work on this up until 6:30, then go to Diakonos, come back, and start on this, this, and this. It's gonna be a long night." Sometimes I try hard to fight it off, but other times it's not until the prayer together that I can stop thinking about these deadlines and about myself.

I think it's amazing how every single time, God is gracious to me. By the time we split up to go back to our campuses, I think, "Wow, God. You are so much bigger. You are so loving. You are so amazing." Hearing people's stories at Love Park and the subway station, God fills me with compassion and also the right perspective I think - the perspective that God is the only thing worth living for, that He is constant loving us and constantly caring for us. His heart breaks for every person who is down, and He rejoices when we come to Him for strength and love.

It's been getting better on Monday afternoons before I go when I remember His constant faithfulness. Going to really fight this week to keep telling myself the truth that God is so much bigger and better than my worries. Praying for less of me and more of Him because He's their only hope and our only hope.

3.15

"Live in such a way that men may recognize that you have been with Jesus and have learned of Him." Spurgeon

When I asked if you would like a bite to eat, I really meant can I hear your story. I wanted to know your name, pastimes, interests, skills, experiences and tell you about myself in return. You had been living safely, saving your money instead of joining your friends in Vegas as they squandered their share away. You worked regular blue collared jobs, in construction, hospitality, and the like because you never got the chance to go to college. You liked that I was a college student and encouraged me to continue my studies. You thought things were alright but then somewhere along the way you lost your job and found yourself here by coincidence.

Now you hop between distant relatives and the streets looking for a place to rest your head. You were shivering and said that the weather always bothered you, it makes you not want to be active. I told you that the weather was going to be much better this week and that I was looking forward to it because I was from Arizona. You've been in Arizona, and you said the weather was nice. But I saw the worry and anxiety in your tired eyes. Hunger was always the immediate problem because you never knew when you would be able to relieve it. It was easier to get food in the suburbs you said, the city was too crowded. You told me that it was hard to put aside your pride to find a meal and that the struggle wasn't just in the surroundings. You said: "I'm a different egg in the basket," and that you had never really met anyone like yourself before. Then you apologized for not being coherent all the time because you weren't all there. You kept repeating to yourself that you hadn't really accomplished anything despite your age and that you hope opportunities will turn up.

Thank you. You told me that it had been awhile since you got to talk to anyone, that people just come and go with the occasional conversation of maybe three minutes. I'm truly grateful for the time you gave me and for the conversation we had. I can only pray that my words gave you at least some warmth and comfort. Dave, I'd like to speak to you again, or at the very least, lend you my ear.

Pictures from 3/15

[Look at that form]

[Charles hard at work]

[You can't hide!]

[Hard at work]

[Prayer time]