planted seeds... now trees...

(From a former Diakonos member):

dear diakonos,

very strange to say this but most of you probably don’t kno me.
crazy but its already been two years since I graduated penn, so its been 2 years since ive served with diakonos :(
(for those of u that dont kno me, i tend to write long emails so feel free to skim through :p)


well. i just wanted to share but also encourage and thank you all for doing what you do.

a couple weeks ago I was waiting for my coworker to catch a train. he was running late coming so I was waiting for him with both our tickets in hand with about 20 min till departure. I saw a guy standing by a café asking ppl for change so I asked him if I could buy him a sandwich instead. while I was waiting for him to pick his meal my coworker rushed into the station. I handed him his tickets and quickly explained I was just waiting to pay for his meal.

he wanted to get to our gate asap. (and don’t get me wrong, he’s a really really great guy. I love working for him). he asked how much the food was and pulled out his wallet. he only had 20s and asked if I had change. I told him I had cash, handed the man $7.... It didn’t feel right.

walking away he asked how I got talked into that situation and I told him that I had offered.

once we got on the train he began telling me about how the meeting went but for the next couple hours all I could think about was that man – was he offended in anyway; did the $7 include a drink. I wasn’t as concerned about his physical hunger as I was of his heart. did I help him realize he was a lovable son of god, or did the way we rushed away from him hurt his heart even more, or was his heart already too hardened to feel anything.

I silently lifted up a prayer for him, and as I was praying for him I was filled with thankfulness, thankful that I was still aware of the father’s heart. that my values and priorities were different from this world. that my hearts main concern was on his lost children…

i miss diakonos a lot. i miss being able to freely love and share the gospel. its really a privilege.


for those of u graduating, especially if you will be working, I want to remind you to fight for your heart to be pure and holy.
fight for all your passions to be rooted in god. fight to love what he loves and hate what he hates. it may start with one homeless person you walk by without even realizing, it may be cutting back your prayer times just 5 minutes, but don’t be let yourselves deceived in the small things.

that’s one of the reasons I still stay on this listserve. walking from my office in dc, running to/from the airport, i see ur emails. although its meaningless to me when/where you'll be meeting next it reminds where I should be and who I really am. do what u need to do, but don’t take it lightly, don’t go unprepared. God has amazing plans for you so its only natural for the enemy to attack you.


well. im almost done... just one passage and i'll be done. i promise.

psalm 56:10-13

In God whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise
in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you.

For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God in the light of life

indulge in that life he's given us. to the fullest.
bless you allll looots. miiiisss you!!


hugs.

juhee

we are ONE in our mission

I just wanted to share some thoughts I had about Diakonos and its role in GCC's unity. After Grad Night last night, I had an awesome time of fellowship with everyone. It seemed that I was able to strike up conversations with almost everyone there. I definitely have Diakonos to thank in part for that, for this group has given me the opportunity to draw closer to those at the Temple site.

I don't say this enough, but thank you so much for being a part of this family. Looking back on the Tuesday nights at Kathryn's house, in the underground, and at Love Park, I've grown to love you guys so much more than I expected to, given the brevity of my time with you all. From "maximizing efficiency" with the plastic wrap to taking a poll about whether watermelon is a DESSERT or FRUIT, the inside jokes always bring a smile to my face. You all have a special place in my heart, and I have learned what a selfless heart truly looks like by observing you all every week.

Our ministry is special; it requires patience, love, and a faith that God can use unworthy vessels to do big things (albeit slowly and steadily. I pray that God will continually break our hearts, and that as we engage in our mission together, we will encourage one another to run this race with vigor.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

Surely, I am Always With You

This is the passage that first comes up to my mind when I think about evangelism:

-Matthew 28:19~20-

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

To be honest, when I think about Diakonos/evangelism I don't feel qualified enough to be doing God's work. According to the passage above, God has commanded me to "teach them to obey everything that I commanded you"; but, how can I teach someone to obey God's will, when I refuse to follow Him. How can I teach people about Bible, when I don't even understand it fully? All these negative thoughts about myself overwhelm me every Monday.

After three months of Diakonos, I still don't feel confident about myself. However, I am proud of being involved in God's work. Every week, I witness something great about God's Kingdom. One week, one brother showed his tears after we prayed for him. Another week, one sister randomly comes up to us and asks for a prayer. Another week, after we prayed for one brother, he decides to pray FOR US. Couple times, passing-by Christians join us with prayer. Every week, people are willing to share their struggles with total stangers like me.

Every Monday, I feel God's presence hovering over city of Philadelphia. Although some proclaim that they will never believe in God, although some say that our works are not making any differnece here, although some judge us as hypocrites, although some rebuke us for our actions, I still feel God. God has graciously given me a privilege of witnessing his presence in this city.

Yes, I still struggle. I do not know how to start a meaningful conversation with people; I do not know how to bring Gospel into a "Hi, How-are-you-doing?" conversation; I do not know how to effectively pray for people; I do not know what exact Bible passages to speak of. However, before Diakohos, I always pray God that He would just use me; He would speak through my tongue so that words are not mine, but HIS; He would reach out through my heart so that all my works are not done by my compassion, but for HIS passion.

After all, God has promised "surely, I am always with you, to the very end of the age." As long as I believe in this word, I won't stop trying to share Gospel.

What we give

I've always wondered how I could help other people. As some of you know, I have a different kind of background. Rather then immigrating to America for opportunity, I was actually born here, lived in Maryland for 9 years, then moved to the Philippines for (what ended up to be) the next nine years. So, let me tell you a little bit about my experience. Coming from an upper-middle background, moving to a third-world country was definitely the biggest shocker in my life.

While there are different 'cities' in the Philippines, Manila (the capital) is surrounded by a number of cities and there is no real distinction (besides map-drawn boundaries) separating the different cities. As you might imagine, the city that I lived in was incredibly populous. And as is ever-present in every city, there was poverty. However, unlike in developed countries, the poverty in the Philippines is more massively widespread. It's so bad, that the gap between rich and poor is very large. When we first moved, seeing the poverty all around me (I lived in a very poverty stricken neighborhood for the first 6 years) really moved me and I wanted to help them. But eventually, I guess I hardened my heart and the want to help subsided.

When I first joined Diakonos, I realized that the bagged food that we offered was honestly nothing special. In fact, the people we were meeting often looked fairly well-fed and in comparison to what some other service groups bring, it's not that great. So after my first (and second) Monday, I was kind of confused. I didn't know if I was actually making a difference.

What really inspired me was when I went on a few more trips. It was when I saw some of the other members and how they interacted with the people they came across. It was by watching these other people that I realized that we weren't doing this to provide food and supply their basic needs. No, what we were really giving to them was someone to listen and to spend time with them and hopefully, reflect God's love for them.

Sandwiches and their shortcomings

In all their suffering he also suffered,
     and he personally rescued them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them.
     He lifted them up and carried them
     through all the years.  --Isaiah 63:9

Some Mondays it's hard to find the poetry.  People start trickling into my house around 7:30pm; we linger and chat and laugh; make sandwiches, bag sandwiches, bag the bags of sandwiches; pray in the musty basement; flock towards the subway, flock towards the concourse, flock towards the park.  Everything fits snugly into this little schedule.

I used to have a heart for this ministry.  I went because I couldn't not go.  I couldn't argue anything else to be more important.

The other day, I was talking to a brother who's very passionate about social justice in this city.  He went on and on about how this was wrong and that was wrong and that if he could he'd do this or stop that... He called me back to myself, two years ago, to the idealist freshman who sincerely thought the consistency of sandwiches could save people.

I haven't completely abandoned this idealism, but now my heart has been joined by my head.  Sandwiches do not save people.  Routines do not save people.  Not even programs or funds or governments or people save people.  Because we have all that, in all its bureaucratic abundance, but the homeless still live underground and the hopeless still look for something to believe in.

If Diakonos has shown me anything, it's that we're all suffering.  Yours isn't worse than mine; it all sucks.  Race, age, gender, height, occupation-- doesn't matter.  We're all stuck.

And if this ministry affirms anything, it's that there's only one way out: Love.  Not mine.  Not yours.  Not theirs.  But His.