don't chart me

Last week, I had the opportunity to meet Tony in Love Park. Tony is man in his 50s, smart, well-spoken, and possesses an infectious smile. As I tried to share the Gospel with him, everything made me think that we would really hit it off. We began by talking about "lighter subjects": sports, Philly, the weather. However, as I began to ask him about his religious beliefs, I felt an immediate guardedness on his end.

Do you go to church?

Yeah, I've been, but I haven't been in a while.

Do you believe in Jesus?

- Yes.

Do you believe you have salvation after you die?

- I don't like being charted.

Each question I asked triggered greater defensiveness. In the end, Tony's conclusion was that I was "charting" him. Another word for "charting": judging. I think this is an obstacle that a lot of Christians face as they share their faith with others - especially when ministering to the homeless, who are often associated with such terms as "pitiful," "hopeless," "self-destructive." In any mercy ministry, it's easy to look down on others, even if we don't mean to. A prayer for us all: God, help us to be humble so that we may be used by you.

Lessons

We met a woman in a head-covering that symbolized her faith in Islam. I feel terrible for forgetting her name but I think her name was Aileen. I asked her a few questions about her faith to get to know more about what she believed and why she believed it. At first, she wasn't too responsive but over a bit of time she began to open up and talk more. I don't know why she opened up but I think it was because she may have felt that we would genuinely listen to her. She seemed to know where we were coming from. She knew about the Gospel, that Jesus Christ, fully God and fully man, entered time and space as we know it to fulfill the mystery of the Gospel so that the selfish can stand before the selfless without facing the consequences. In turn, I asked her how to achieve salvation in the Islamic faith and she told me that she did not know because she was still learning. At that moment, I wondered why she believed in her faith. The practical purpose of any major faith like Islam, Judaism or Hinduism is to achieve salvation. To take on a faith without knowing how to achieve salvation in that faith is kind of like jumping into a random car that you don't know where its going. I don't know why she calls herself Muslim without knowing the practical purpose of that faith. I found it rather amazing that she could latch onto something without knowing a key component to it. And it leads me to wonder whether other people are the same in a similar way. I wondered whether we latch onto things even though we don't know the consequences of those things or even critical components that we ought to know about.

Afterward, another man named William who went by the name of Country came over. Aileen and her sister called him over because they thought well of him and they thought that we might enjoy him. He was a very passionate preacher in our faith. He said many wise phrases but the one that stuck out to me was his personal story about how he spent most of his life running away from God. He told us that God never gave up on him but that made me think whether I was running away from God. Another thing that stood out for me was how much he understood God's holiness. We all read about how God is holy but I think some people are shaken up or life-directionally transformed by it more so than others. I just felt that his heart was more open to the Will of God in such a way that allowed him to supernaturally perceive a little more of God's holiness in ways that I fell very short of. This was another reminder for me to repent and earnestly seek God's face all the more in the midst of my complacency and self-idolatry.

On the one hand, we met someone who recognized the sin in and around himself to worship and glorify God. On the other, we met someone who latched onto a faith, the apparent basics of which she did not understand. In light of the former case, I wonder whether she was also running away from God, that in her case it was not so much about latching onto something else as it was about choosing anything but submitting to God. I see a part of myself in the latter case as I continue to strive to deny myself to live like the former.

Perspective

College is deceiving. It takes your entire world, and shrinks it into a little bubble that encompasses the town or city that the college is located in. Communication with the outside world is limited to a thin stream of media: a phone call from your parents, the occasional glance at the newspaper, reading an article online, watching the news on TV, an email to a high school friend, a picture in a textbook. Occasionally, we leave the bubble to experience something new. Whether it's going home for Thanksgiving, going to some other state to intern over summer, spending quality time at the beach with friends during spring break, or traveling to an exotic country over winter break, at the end of the day, like homing pigeons, we return to the safety of our campuses. Our problems shrink to focusing on doing well in school, having a good time, making close friends, preparing for the "real world". Slowly, from the moment we set foot as college students in our respective campuses, our minds are fed the illusion of the college life. Some enjoy the challenges of the classroom. Others enjoy the close proximity and availability of friends and companions. The venturous individuals choose to pursue experience and thrill of trying new things and challenging themselves. As a sign in my freshmen dorm stated: If it wasn't for academics, college would be the ideal life to live. But probably what shatters the college illusion (at least for me), is the poverty and the crime in Philadelphia. How many individuals have I come across who had asked me for 80 cents? How many people have I come across where I have looked down upon them due to their pitiful nature? How many times have I thought how hopeless these people seem to be?

I live in a college illusion. I enjoy the luxury of having friends living in close proximity to me and to have access to a number of amazing resources (including gyms, restaurants, libraries, etc.). My grades have risen to a high priority in my life and nearly all of my stress stems from academia and school work. I have to admit that when I go out with Diakonos, there are a number of individuals whom I continue to feel a sad hopelessness due to their lack of interest to rise out of their positions. But every so often, I meet an individual who truly has the spark of life within them. I see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices, Give me a chance and it is then that my college illusion shatters. To see people who are in true and desperate need, who seek for an opportunity or a chance to improve their living situations, who have not become apathetic to their situations, it is those individuals that encourage me not to give up serving the poor and the weak. It's those individuals who give me the encouragement that there is still hope among those in need and that there are still people striving to live with purpose. And it is this encouragement that allows me to look at my own life with a larger perspective; to see the chaos of harsh reality: natural disasters, hunger, war.

And when I am encouraged in such a way, my problems don't seem nearly as important anymore. I begin to more clearly see how blessed I am and how God has provided me with so many things. I get a glimpse of the world outside college and I am reminded:

"Be very careful then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." - Ephesians 5:15-16

Hi Diakonos,

So this week's outing was really interesting because I saw how God works to build relationships within the homeless community. Jenny, Kathryn and I first ran into Joe and Antonio, and the two of them were like best friends - joking around, punching each other playfully, sharing food..etc. But the smiles on their faces were so geniune it's like when they have each other life weighs a lot lighter on them. Afterwards we walked to the other side of the station and ran into Cherl (?) and this Spanish-speaking guy(I didnt catch his name though). Cherl couldn't speak Spanish at all but then the two of them would still have "conversations". The man would say something in Spanish and Cherl would nod and signal ok even though he didnt have the slightest idea what that guy had just said. For a while Jenny and I thought that they were actually communicating. I think these two men are just there to keep each other company.

I reflected upon that and I realized how important it must be to not just have acquaintance in the homeless community, but actual friends. No matter how hard we try, we can't possibly be there for the people 24/7 and sometimes we would even forget the names of the people we talked to. While we try to provide for them physically, it is hard for us to really take care of them emotionally (and spiritually). I think that God has blessed some of these men with real friendship so that these people can find identity and value through these relationships. Knowing how easily people can get bitter about their circumstances and thus lose trust in others, selfless or geninue friendship must be rare. But then seeing both relationships between Joe and Antonio and between Cherl and Spanish guy have been a blessing to me 'cause I saw God's mercy and provision.

Oops.

I should have posted last week...
We should have brought those pamphlets with us...
I should have given him better directions so he could get to Meyerson...
I shouldn't have given out Maria's clothes...


Huh?


Yeah, I shouldn't have given out Maria's clothes...


So, Rena, Grace, and I all headed out around 6:30 or so.  We had a good time: we got rid of most of the clothes right away (including some small women's items) and headed to the concourse to see if we could encounter any familiar faces.  We ran into Richard and met his friend from New Orleans who'd been displaced because of hurricane Katrina.  While Rena and Grace talked with them, I talked to a man who was trying to get help for a woman and her baby.  She'd been kicked out of a shelter already, so they were trying to protect her and support her as much as possible underground, because she'd been red-flagged at the shelters and wouldn't be let in without losing her baby.  I tried to stay out of the politics of the situation, but gave a sweater (yep, another small women's sweater) to the cause.  Rena and I decided to come back out on Wednesday to give them some information about local organizations that could help.

We saw Fred again too.  He's visited Temple services the past couple weeks and tried making it out to UC's service at Meyerson, but he got confused and soaked yesterday morning, and ended up not making it.  Still, he was happy to see Rena and me, and he's still studying away for his GRE's.

In the midst of all this, my roommate calls.  "Hey, guys, do you know what happened to those clothes that were laid out on the couch?  Maria left them for me to borrow..."  Crapper snappers (in the words of Rena).  Luckily, we had saved two suit jackets, but, still...

We walked briskly back to where we first handed things out and asked around.  The woman we'd given them to was gone.  (And I didn't have the heart to look for a baby and take a sweater from her.)

Dejected, guilty, foolish, I walked back home with Rena.  I should have this, I shouldn't have that...  We went straight upstairs to apologize to Maria.  "It's ok... you saved the suit jackets, and they are the most important... and as long as you gave the sweaters to someone who needed them..."  We promised to pay her back.  "Aw, stop feeling bad, you guys look pitiful!"

She was gracious, yes, but nights like these I keep beating myself up.  How could God still use me when I just blindly give away someone else's stuff, without even considering that, hey, this looks a little out of place?  Or when I haven't the heart go back tonight and give the guys info to help the mom and her baby... that I'm tired and hungry and it's "dangerous" later at night, so we'll put it off... God, really, am I all that useful to you?  Am I furthering your kingdom or just hindering it?

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. --Ephesians 2:8-9

"As long as someone needed them..."  So, yeah, I made a boo-boo.  I guess it's just a reminder that if anything good comes out of what we do on Mondays... it's not because we did something right.  But that God did.