your posts have been a blessing to read. keep shining the light in philly!
-albert (from korea)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A First
A bit overwhelming for a first time, but it was a changing experience.
Regrets, grudges, frustration, hopelessness. "God can't love me." "I've made too many mistakes." "I'm going to hell." They have little to nothing. Their hearts are heavy, carrying a lifetime of burden and debts that they refuse to forgive. There is bitterness and stubbornness. They hate their families. They hate the wars they've served. But they also care very much. There is kindness, and whether they truly believe or not, there is openness to faith. Their eyes, tired; their faces lined by the creases of years; and their voices, soft and barely audible. (I strained my ears trying to pick up on key words and shifted to reading their lips in order to confirm my guesses, as I simultaneously badgered myself for using earphones too much.) The men we spoke with, they were in their fifties, sixties, I think. They don't have much to say, but they had so much to give..simply by exemplifying the human condition and sharing words of wisdom accumulated over the years. One man, in his state of destitute, had the kind heart to tell us that "education is everything"...to stay in school...to learn as much as one can. As the man tapped his forehead, he reminded us that knowledge was everything. Some of us might disagree and answer that education is not everything. Rather, God is. That our spiritual life weighs more than all that knowledge could provide. But his words had a special place in my heart. His words were powerful. He echoed the exact phrases my parents repeated to me in each stage of growing up: "Without knowledge, you are nothing." It is the words a parent tells a child. And I could not not be moved by such reminders, from a complete stranger, what's more, a man whom I perhaps would have been afraid to look at not long ago. He reminded me of all that I've taken for granted. In a way that I cannot fully explain, he made me appreciate the long nights I will spend working, using my brain, keeping my mind sharp. I hope that I shall never hear myself complain about the work that I have to do, because of what this man has said. I have nothing to offer him, except a sandwich and a bottle of water. But I pray that God will hear his prayers. That is perhaps is all that I can do.
**********
"I'll be all right. I'll be all right." He kept saying. He does not believe God will forgive him for what he has done or will do. He does not believe that God can possibly ever love him. He does not believe that Jesus died for his sins, my sins. And he cannot comprehend that we've all offended God as much as he has. But he sees better days. "I'll be all right, " he says again. In a way, I feel like he was reminding himself of the hope he has, but he also reminded me of the hope that each of us has. His name was David. I don't know his background; I don't know his life story, but his name comes from the Bible...from one of the greatest stories of God's triumph. He says that there is no changing his hardened heart, no changing his mind, no turning back from the path he's chosen. It's hard to convince him that God is greater than any of his thoughts and actions. It's difficult to be persuasive when, as the old Asian saying goes, "the salt he's eaten is more than the bread I've eaten." And in the end, I was helpless. Impotent. Weak and incapable. I could do nothing to change this man's mind, not in a mere hour, no. And the only thing, I realized, that I could do was to pray. And few times have I really prayed for something. Few times have I realized the magnitude of what was needed. I wanted change for this man so much. I did not have anything to give. I could not offer any practical suggestions. I was very much at a loss for words. I could do nothing for him, but to listen. I realized too that listening I could not even do well, since I could not hear him parts of the time. There is so much to pray for. There is everything to pray for. If we prayed for everything in the world that needs praying, there'll be no end to prayer. David said it'll take more than a miracle to change him. Having been saved by God, I no longer doubt God's greatness. I do not doubt God's ability. I believe in miracles. But I do pray that God is willing...that it is indeed in His plan to save him. Everything in God's time, right? I pray that until the day God meets him just where he is, David will continue to hold onto the hope he has. I hope he gets his miracle. I really, really do.
There is everything to be thankful for. There is everything to pray for. If we really understood the urgency of the matter, we'd realize that there is so much, so much to be done. And that even giving all of ourselves may not be enough, so how can we give any less?
- rena
Regrets, grudges, frustration, hopelessness. "God can't love me." "I've made too many mistakes." "I'm going to hell." They have little to nothing. Their hearts are heavy, carrying a lifetime of burden and debts that they refuse to forgive. There is bitterness and stubbornness. They hate their families. They hate the wars they've served. But they also care very much. There is kindness, and whether they truly believe or not, there is openness to faith. Their eyes, tired; their faces lined by the creases of years; and their voices, soft and barely audible. (I strained my ears trying to pick up on key words and shifted to reading their lips in order to confirm my guesses, as I simultaneously badgered myself for using earphones too much.) The men we spoke with, they were in their fifties, sixties, I think. They don't have much to say, but they had so much to give..simply by exemplifying the human condition and sharing words of wisdom accumulated over the years. One man, in his state of destitute, had the kind heart to tell us that "education is everything"...to stay in school...to learn as much as one can. As the man tapped his forehead, he reminded us that knowledge was everything. Some of us might disagree and answer that education is not everything. Rather, God is. That our spiritual life weighs more than all that knowledge could provide. But his words had a special place in my heart. His words were powerful. He echoed the exact phrases my parents repeated to me in each stage of growing up: "Without knowledge, you are nothing." It is the words a parent tells a child. And I could not not be moved by such reminders, from a complete stranger, what's more, a man whom I perhaps would have been afraid to look at not long ago. He reminded me of all that I've taken for granted. In a way that I cannot fully explain, he made me appreciate the long nights I will spend working, using my brain, keeping my mind sharp. I hope that I shall never hear myself complain about the work that I have to do, because of what this man has said. I have nothing to offer him, except a sandwich and a bottle of water. But I pray that God will hear his prayers. That is perhaps is all that I can do.
**********
"I'll be all right. I'll be all right." He kept saying. He does not believe God will forgive him for what he has done or will do. He does not believe that God can possibly ever love him. He does not believe that Jesus died for his sins, my sins. And he cannot comprehend that we've all offended God as much as he has. But he sees better days. "I'll be all right, " he says again. In a way, I feel like he was reminding himself of the hope he has, but he also reminded me of the hope that each of us has. His name was David. I don't know his background; I don't know his life story, but his name comes from the Bible...from one of the greatest stories of God's triumph. He says that there is no changing his hardened heart, no changing his mind, no turning back from the path he's chosen. It's hard to convince him that God is greater than any of his thoughts and actions. It's difficult to be persuasive when, as the old Asian saying goes, "the salt he's eaten is more than the bread I've eaten." And in the end, I was helpless. Impotent. Weak and incapable. I could do nothing to change this man's mind, not in a mere hour, no. And the only thing, I realized, that I could do was to pray. And few times have I really prayed for something. Few times have I realized the magnitude of what was needed. I wanted change for this man so much. I did not have anything to give. I could not offer any practical suggestions. I was very much at a loss for words. I could do nothing for him, but to listen. I realized too that listening I could not even do well, since I could not hear him parts of the time. There is so much to pray for. There is everything to pray for. If we prayed for everything in the world that needs praying, there'll be no end to prayer. David said it'll take more than a miracle to change him. Having been saved by God, I no longer doubt God's greatness. I do not doubt God's ability. I believe in miracles. But I do pray that God is willing...that it is indeed in His plan to save him. Everything in God's time, right? I pray that until the day God meets him just where he is, David will continue to hold onto the hope he has. I hope he gets his miracle. I really, really do.
There is everything to be thankful for. There is everything to pray for. If we really understood the urgency of the matter, we'd realize that there is so much, so much to be done. And that even giving all of ourselves may not be enough, so how can we give any less?
- rena
Monday, July 5, 2010
Why Diakanos Exists
Hey Diakanos,
I know it's not my turn to post because I already posted just a week or two ago but I just wanted to share this one experience Renna and I had just tonight. I think it'll remind us once again why Diakanos exists.
Well, before we left for Center City, (as you guys can recall) we first prayed for the night. When Katherine led us to pray for anyone in particular that we might meet again at the park, I recalled David whom I met only once before. David is actually not homeless but he always hangs around at Love Park. While I just found out tonight that it's because he extremely hates the people in his house, what concerned me most was that he was in active rebellion against God. During that one time I met him, he told me that there was no changing him, that regardless of whether God existed and loved David, there was nothing that David wanted to or could do but to continue living until death, and move on into eternity in Hell. So I prayed for David's soul that he might be saved from otherwise certain Hell that he himself seemed to know about all too well.
In that moment of prayer, I first admitted to how I really do not have an ounce of control over saving his fate, his soul, and bringing about miraculous salvation; as a college student I have no social work training for any practical counseling as well. I simply prayed that in my powerless nature God would manifest Himself and do something Himself, because He was and is the only one who can. I think that attitude and prayer were the critical steps to God's using me as a vessel to open up more of David's heart tonight.
I didn't see David when I got there and ended up talking with Crystal to Franklin, a recent homeless. A little while in, though, I was surprised to see Katherine call me over and tell me that David wanted to see me. I walked across the park to find him talking with Renna while he stood waiting for me. I was at first very surprised to hear him ask if I was "alright." I only met him once before, and that encounter wasn't very effective in terms of ministry on my part. But he had a look of genuine interest and friendship in his eyes. Next, he talked about his problems that deserve a whole different blog post in of itself but after that he told me how he feels his heart slowly changing every time he sees me, us, Diakanos, ministering to him at the park. I praised God for answering a part of my prayer just earlier when I heard that inch closer to God but in addition to that, it was that moment that really hit the spot for me. I realized once again just why we Diakanos exists.
Although we can't necessarily take them out of homelessness, and although our bagged lunches are more of snacks to their daily diet of other free food and soup kitchen food, we bring something greater to them. We bring them the saving and life-changing Love of Jesus Christ that no amount of money and therapy can bring about. I was experientially and all too vividly reminded of that fact when once again I saw plain evidence of God's Love slowly but steadily and gradually changing hearts, and in particular, David's rebellious heart. Moreover, I saw that all the more personally when David told me how ministers like Diakanos, including me, kept him going. I thanked God for using me then to minister to David, through me.
Although not all homeless people will be thankful or changed by Diakanos' works through God's power, it is a fact that some have, are, and will continue to be brought from death into life. This is why we exist, to be not only children communing and growing in personal relationship with God, but also to use our growth primarily for the purpose of being the Jesus for this World, that Jesus Christ Himself was for it as well. This is why we exist, to exist not only for personal growth and betterment of just ourselves and our cliques at Church, but also for the salvation of this World that matters just as much, if not more, to God as does one part of His body.
I just want to encourage you all that God is using us to save lives, and that such miracles are happening despite our weaknesses. And I just want to praise you all by saying that such miracles are happening through our weaknesses because we have opened up our hearts as living sacrifices for God.
But as sinners, we still hold onto idols and there is still a lot of baggage, blockage, and walls that prevent God from doing more through us. Let us pray for our own hearts that we would be willing to sacrifice our desire for physical comfort, security, and other aspirations for what rots and inevitably disappears, that we would be in complete surrender and union with God's Will. Only then can we cease to question whether God is really working sometimes. Only then can we be in a spiritual position to finally begin to constantly experience (without previously necessary revivals) the unfailing ceaseless works and the Glory of God in this World.
Your Brother,
Elliot
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